Category: Editorial

It means ‘opinion,’ dumbass.

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Cogito ergo Cogito

A Christian once asked me what my fundamental source for ultimate truth was. The answer might be unsatisfying, but it should be there with a little explanation. In logic, truth is defined as that which can be proven not false in every case. This applies well enough in mathematics and computer programming, but how about for reality? The problem with truth is that every case can never be accounted for. Quantum physics specifically denies it.

Consider a particle in your body, and all the aspects of it. It has among other properties energy and location. Upon measuring this particle’s location, accuracy is lost in measuring its energy. This is the uncertainty principle, and it is an observable phenomenon that Einstein could not disprove. For some reason, this lack of truth is built into the very nature of the universe. I could measure the energy of that same particle, but if I wanted to know the location, I would again lose accuracy. If I wanted to know both the momentum and the location of a particle the best I’d be able to do is estimate. I would still be left with a version of the truth based on two separate measurements that have a mutually exclusive precision. So I’m left with a measurable amount of precision, but not the truth.

So, am I saying that truth doesn’t exist? This is aesthetically painful to the human mind, but it is the strongest possibility. Surely a particle has a location, and a certain momentum, but I won’t be able to figure that out because of an aspect of the universe that is not currently understood. So what is my foundation of ultimate truth, if I cannot know the truth of a solitary particle?

This is a universe of measurable precision. When the human mind decides to believe in truth, there’s an amount of error that cannot be escaped. Truth absolutely must exist, and it may be glimpsed by humanity, but it is impossible to see from all sides without distortion.

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2084

America as we know it is going to be dead very soon. Nationalism is globally waning. History has consistently shown Nationalism is a fundamentally evil belief. The sooner there is a single world governing body, the sooner we will be able to focus on issues that we can agree about. I’m talking about full global accountability, a power that supersedes a nation when the future of humanity as a whole is at stake. A body that will enforce environmental laws is necessary for our posterity to enjoy life as we know it. Nuclear weapons must be done away with if we are to truly ensure that life as we know it can continue, and all accountable nations must one day disarm them all. Terrorists and those who imprison them must both be fully accountable to a global government. A global government must have authority over the nation. The UN is not able to enforce accountability upon the most powerful nations, and therefore it can not in any way ensure a peaceful future free from man-made disasters. I do not perceive the UN ever filling this role, but a strategic alliance similar to NATO or the EU may. The role of this super-government must be limited to what can be done to ensure the survival of mankind. Space settlement should be a stated long term goal, given the disaster-prone nature of earth. We can only hope time is on our side.

Economic forces are slow, steady, and absolutely inevitable. Energy prices increase as more people demand more energy even while oil production tops out. Conservatives look to the past with gleaming eyes, their values born in a world without computerized machinery. Do they not realize where our wealth comes from? It is not from hard work. Pulling up on bootstraps isn’t it either. Robotic machines are the centerpiece of our wealth. Material and energy cost plus labor equals overhead. Labor is being phased out in America’s industry slowly and surely. The wealth that results from this will be ripped entirely from the hands of the market, and relocated to government control. These were are jobs, and human labor made it all possible to begin with. It is collectively owned and created by all of us, yet the ownership falls to a most fortunate few whose circumstances in life were a bit more lucky than your average guy. Thus, the trend towards Socialism is utterly inevitable in a Democratic system. Populism combined with massively imbalanced wealth will result in Socialism, at a randomized rate. In the past, Socialism has waxed during periods of economic strife. And now, you should be prepared to see things that once were considered Unamerican. We’re really that wealthy now. Computers and robots will soon be able to do things that were never possible before. One day, our own creation will become beyond us in ways we may not be able to understand. If computers are not the savior of humanity, nothing will ever be. Consider this the second coming-the true Messiah.

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Opinion: Just Because I Live At This Apartment Complex Doesn't Mean You Have The Right To Look At Me

Yeah, okay so I haven’t done this whole ear wax blog stuff yet because I don’t have to. But recently this Lebal Drocer company asked me to write something or they’d stop the nitrocious flow of cash that I’ve been getting for over 5 months now (its sweet, believe me loomwads). So I decided to write up a little opinion column for this little waxing elf enthusiast website (seriously what the hell kinda brokeback name is that anyway?)

So recently in the World of Nitro, I’ve began to notice a little trend that I’m not too keen about. It seems like ever since I moved from New Jersey (It’s Jerstrocious!) to this pitiful state, everyone just stares me down like a leper every time I step foot outside. What gives?!? Sometimes I’ll be simply grabbing a 48-pack of brews from the Nitromobile. Other times I’ll be just checking my mailbox, filtering out all the billz and wal-mart junk(the PITS!) and minding my own nitro business(as always). But no matter what, if the Nitrocity himself is outside, you better believe some complete noobody(noob+nobody, quote me!) will be staring me down like I was a TV set.

Now, you gotta realize the scale of noobwads that I get glares from. Its damn near everyone, dudes. The fat, single Tony Soprano-looking dude walking his yappy dog, the guys that believe they are in some kinda rap video at all hours, the fat ugly girls who just sit outside for no reason other than to be annoying, even the wastes of existence that live directly around me (“neighbors” as you call them). I realize you guys are just trying to live (very boringly), but c’mon, you don’t need to bring me down to your level. I got better fish to cook! I realize my hair is longer than yours, my wardrobe cooler than your nicest outfit, my lifestyle more nitrocious than your best night, but there’s no need to stare. Staring won’t get you any closer to being nitrocious. So next time, you happen to be outside, begging for attention with your disposable garbage music (play some Springsteen at least!), walking your dog in hopes of picking up college chicks, or drinking Budweiser Lights at the microscopic pool(seriously I’ve pissed bigger puddles), just ignore my presence because your not getting a free performance or a beer bong to the face out of it.

I’m starting to ramble so i’ll make my point simple: Just because we share the same apartment complex does not give you ANY right to look anywhere near my direction. There’s a million things to look at outside: the shitty cars, the shitty pool, the shitty other people who live here. Why must you choose me to point your vision-producing spheres at? Just because I am a renowned karaoke singer and all-around badass does not mean I’m your toy monkey banging cymbals. I perform for a minimum of 7 figures and unwarrantedly looking my direction just makes that figure rise as well as my inner-rage to shatter your face.

You don’t want to end up like this dude.


Whatever noobs, I’m gonna go get nitrocious. Jim Beam to da face!

Oh yeah, and coming soon, losers…
Just Because I Go To This University Does Not Mean You Have The Right To Look At Me.
Just Because I’m At This Drive-Thru Does Not Give You The Right to Take My Order.