Category: Special Interest

These are not regular interests

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Categories
Local Special Interest

Chronicle.su succumbs to adoring masses, foreclosure

In the face of foreclosure, Chronicle staff research carnal knowledge from deep within a mortgaged volcano base.
In the face of foreclosure, Chronicle staff research carnal knowledge from deep within a mortgaged volcano base.

Chronicle HQ, Bolivia–
internetchronicle.org/, or The Elf Wax Phoenix which arose from the burning flames of a better website, is celebrating Chronicle Day, the journal’s Holy Day of Praise. Dubbed C-Day, the annual holiday is a special time when throngs of teenage women thrust themselves into the iron gates of Lebal Drocer, Inc.

As salmon casting their bodies upstream, tides of fresh young women offer themselves in sacrifice to Veritus, God of Truth, eagerly vying to feed his demands. Seeking a cut of the criminal activity – and Bolivian cocaine – thought to be horded deep within Chronicle Mountain, many of these women have attained super bitch powers granting them the means to cast off their skin as dead ringers, and hunt us in the 4th dimension.

At sundown, a robed figure approached the electronic security gate, allowing a harem of six young women inside, most of them legal. Fifteen minutes later, the girls are presumed missing.

Found inside are thought to be all manner of freedoms, some of them American.

"I think they're holed up in there doing drugs," said Chief Daniel Spoktane of an unnamed paramilitary force, whose agents are stretched thin around the 14 kilometer electrified perimeter of internetchronicle.org/. "And I think there's a pretty good chance they could be having fun."

Chief Spoktane indicated plans to subjugate the website by individually arresting each member of internetchronicle.org/ one by one.

“We aren’t sure what they owe on a volcanic base like this,” he said, “but the banks have already foreclosed on it so we’re here to bag ’em up and ship ’em out.”

Most official internetchronicle.org/ business takes place inside a fortified safe room through which authorities will have to cut open, like a bunch of n00b construction workers; that is, assuming spies don’t sap our sentries, in which case we’re fucked.

internetchronicle.org/ – TASTE THE LIGHTNING

At internetchronicle.org/ we take our jobs seriously.
One glance at our track record will tell you we mean business.

“Fucking criminal-ass bitches, and telling you the truth.”

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Categories
Hate Trolling

Be a YouTube Reply Girl

We here at internetchronicle.org/ have quick and simple way, an easy way, to rake in tens of thousands of subscribers on Youtube with very little effort. These views can quickly be turned into cash around the home, as long as you follow a few simple rules and are approved for a YouTube partnership, which we guarantee. This simple method contains a few simple secrets which we will provide to you, our loyal cult followers, at a low, low price. Follow these three simple steps, easy steps, and you will be on the path to  not only riches, but fame and popularity with the online world like you have never imagined.

Step 1: Preparing for your first video

First thing you’ll need to do is make sure you have a camera, or basically any footage at all which won’t get YouTube on your ass for copyright infringement. This part’s actually not that important at all, content is completely irrelevant. There just has to be a video of some sort.

What’s vitally important is that there must be clearly visible cleavage shown in the image YouTubers are going to see before they click your video.

Next, find some YouTube video that’s just now starting to get a ton of visits which hasn’t already been swamped with reply videos. Upload your “reply” using all available optimized search terms. The combination of tits will attach your video like a leech to the underbelly of the internet and you will make tons of money this way. Keep making the videos until your income stabilizes and never forget the tits.

Step 2: Create a pyramid scheme

This part isn’t so straightforward until you really get good at the first bit. All this video uploading and recording is time consuming, so after a while you’re going to want to compartmentalize this knowledge into a get-rich-quick scheme and then sell that, rather than doing all the work yourself.

Start each “reply” video with a short infomercial which links to your ad-infested homepage. Write a few rambling blog posts on a locked blog and charge each person ten dollars for the secret millionaire knowledge.

I have sold the secret of YouTube tit reply video scamming to several young women who are now prospering thanks to their remarkable cleavage. They may get a lot of hateful comments, but one intrepid YouTube entrepreneur I inspired, TheReplyGirl, is now able to go to college because of her titshare program. She has also influenced other women to show their cleavage in reply videos on YouTube, and the Internet community is much enriched thanks to the startlingly insightful opinions the new, growing class of Reply Girls.

 

Step 3: Masturbation

 

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Categories
Special Interest Sports

Kilgore Trout whiteknights awesome Chronicle troll-action

In a damaging blow to what might have otherwise been a fruitful trolling endeavor, internetchronicle.org/ editor Kilgore Trout trolled his own news agency by warning would-be writing contest participants that the whole thing is an utter scam. Terrible author Frank Mason countered with undue name-calling followed by a dense string of offline gravity bong hits to the face.

“It was worse than anything I’ve ever seen,” said a frowning Joanna Mason, Frank’s mother in Fairfax, Virginia. “He was so high. So happy.”

Mason was not available to comment but wrote Saturday, “I don’t give a flying fuck what you say, it’s going to be really funny when someone tries to write another unintelligible centerpiece about an orgy of world leaders atop President Obama’s stinky sock collection. Rooting around in his dirty fucking socks, Bill.”

The writing contest would have entrants reporting on an alleged plethora of simultaneous sex acts, all taking place on a pile of unwashed clothes previously worn by the President during the exact moment in which he lied to American citizens. “But beyond that,” Mason clarified, “You are free to write anything you wish, adding what you like.”

Chronicle writer Frank Mason
Frank Mason, terrible author

Trout's white knight leak is an attempt to limit the overall "collateral damage" of internetchronicle.org/ as she recklessly tears through the internet in the name of good comedy, lest she incur yet another case in a myriad of legal axes threatening to drop. By calling attention to Mason's attempt at baiting bad writers into ridicule, Trout may possibly have prevented another lawsuit.

“Mason maintains all the ethical practices of a trapdoor spider,” he explained. “Oh, he’s a charming young man. Sure. And he’s good at videogames. But he is ugly inside. Inside, Frank is a venomous snake.”

Mason conceded, “At any moment, authorities could intervene . . . and the next thing you know we’re embroiled in a seven year legal battle with someone over use of . . . his face on the end of a penis.” Frank put one hand on his forehead, and looked up at the ceiling. For almost a minute, Mason posed in the lamplight, thinking. At last, he finally said, “Maybe we should just say somebody died. Somebody white this time.”

As of Saturday evening, participation in Mason’s contest is virtually nonexistent.