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The impossiblity of rape pregnancy
When a woman is raped forcibly, she secretes a previously unknown chemical called jerotonin which makes fertilization impossible. Young women who are coerced or tricked into sex also secrete jerotonin in post-coitus shame. The possibility of being impregnated forcibly is about the same as being abducted by aliens. But why do so many young women who believe they’ve been raped wind up pregnant? Either they wanted to be raped or they are lying. Rape fantasies are among the most common fantasies of women. It is quite common for them to doll themselves up and walk in dangerous parts of the city at night, hoping beyond hope that they are violated by a stranger and made pregnant.
Now that we have sufficiently scientifically established the truth that abortion is completely unnecessary for all victims of rape, it will no longer be necessary to castrate all men as every feminist dreams. There is no way for a woman to be unwillingly impregnated, and we can actually forgive all rapists for acting under completely understandable physiological and cultural stresses which most women gladly welcome. However, there is still a loophole for would-be “pregnancy rapists,” or rapists who merely want to impregnate women. By perforating a condom, a “pregnancy rapist” can put a woman in a willing mood for coitus, and unbeknownst to her, impregnate her in this final remaining state of reproductive vulnerability. By welcoming “safe” sex, a woman leaves herself open to unwanted stealth pregnancy and the “ethical” need for an abortion. We all know that abortion can never be an ethical act–this is an axiom–so we must rationalize and equivocate and further restrict reproductive freedoms of women in the name of liberty. We must never allow the use of condoms and other prophylactics. These unnatural technologies present the possibility of a nonconsensual impregnation during consensual sex, something that should not exist in the first place.
Neighbors and ministers were startled by the appearance of Ashley Johnson, 17, in the Roanoke County First Baptist Church congregation Sunday morning.
With daring hairstyles and casual hoodies, Ashley challenges the age-old precept of blowhard Christian conformity.
Ashley fears society is losing faith in Christ as an alternative to the ways of Satan. Ashley said he is trying to make worshiping Jesus cool again. “I hope younger folks will see that cool people love Jesus, too. And why not? I mean, Jesus died for ours sins, and I think that’s pretty cool.”
“Life is sacred, and society seems to have forgotten that,” said Ashley, but asserted he is “still pro-choice, as long as women are being awesome by keeping their unborn fetus.” Ashley warned pregnant teens they must learn to deal with their choices to get pregnant by remaining pregnant.
“I want to show people you can give your heart to Jesus without conforming to society’s backward norms.”
In tandem with his newfound convictions, Ashley has given up dangerous drugs like beer and marijuana, and stopped having sex with girls, “Which is easy,” Ashley said, “if you just don’t start.”
[pullquote]Join me, and I’ll get you a new iPod.
Lord Jesus God[/pullquote]
Ashley recently found Jesus after losing his iPod during a “bad trip” on marijuana. “But Jesus spoke to me,” he said. “[Jesus Christ] said, ‘Join me, and I’ll get you a new iPod.'”
Sure enough, Ashley said, Jesus Christ came through. Just four months after accepting Christ as his Lord and Savior, a man in his youth group offered the young boy his old, used iPod. “He said he didn’t need it anymore, so I could have it.” About six months later, Ashley said, the man brought him closer to Jesus than he ever thought was possible. And finally – after ten months of devoted, repeated forced religious practice in that man’s vehicle – Ashley received his free iPod, securing his faith in our Lord.
Ashley said he will continue to ward off Satan’s vices by remaining loyal to Apple products, and abstaining from secular music like White Stripes, and the Magnetic Fields.
“You can’t hold onto hate. I used to hate my abusers for what they did to me, and I hated people who took me away from God. But now I don’t hate anything, except for terrorists, really. And Islam.”
Ashley Johnson, born again Christian