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New Game Call of Duty: Modern Occupation 2 Makes Imperialism Fun Again

Hold onto your rights, because War just went global!

Respawn Entertainment, founded by top developers from Infinity Ward, maker of the bestselling Call of Duty: Modern Warfare series have announced plans to release a new game they say will allow players to enjoy the gut wrenching realism of indefinite military occupations.

Call of Duty: Modern Occupation 2
Brought to you patriotically by Lebal Drocer, Inc.

Co-creator and sadomasochist Frank West said all people deserve to witness, and even partake in, the atrocities of war.

“We thought, why should brown people be the only ones lucky to experience the horrors of modern warfare? With Modern Occupation 2, we want to bring the nightmarish reality of war into every American’s living room.”

Vincent Zampella, co-founder of Respawn Entertainment said, “We want to move gameplay away from the kill or be killed mindset. I am fucking sick of it, you’re sick of it and we all want the emails to stop. In Modern Occupation 2, every advancement presents a gray area in which gamers are forced to make split second decisions that may affect them for the rest of their lives – in some cases, more horrifically than war itself; for instance, your character may come down with PTSD if you shoot an unarmed child. Conversely, this is likely to occur even if the child is armed.”

In a live demo, very small children carrying toys and presents walked up to the player to give him gifts of baked goods – but as it happened, Sonjay’s teddy bear actuated a thermite bomb in the bread basket, killing everyone on screen. Leading up to random events such as these, the decision to shoot on sight is in the hands of the player.

An Afghani clears away rubble, but not fast enough.
The decision to execute this man may fall on your shoulders.

Civilian kills are penalized, but if the gamer can turn a murder into an accidental suicide, or frame the bodies to look like insurgents – either by planting guns around their homes or, during online play, calling on other players to support an alibi before his commanding officer – then he will no longer face court marshal and play continues.

However unlike previous iterations of the Call of Duty franchise, which pitted gamers against the Taliban in Afghanistan and challenged them to defend Northern Virginia from Russian invaders, Zampella said Modern Occupation 2 is variably paced.

“For example, in Realistic Mode, a player may find himself standing watch for ten, twelve hours at a time – changing only to adjust for his or her declining opinion of the military industrial complex.”

Additionally, as with any occupation, the political landscape plays an important role. Players may suddenly “disappear” or find that they’ve been targeted for political assassination if, during online play for example, gamers of the same faction invaded Pakistan’s airspace to the chagrin of a terrorist-sympathizing Presidential body, dozens of Seal Team Six may be deliberately targeted for assassination by groups allied forces never expect.

West said, “War games have become so realistic by now, that if children aren’t balled up in front of their televisions in the fetal position, in fresh puddles of their own urine, then we aren’t doing our jobs right.”

A press release posted Saturday on Respawn Entertainment’s website said the company hopes to get Call of Duty: Modern Occupation 2 out while images of ground-based occupations are still revolting to American audiences. Videogame industry insiders fear many gamers are becoming more rapidly desensitized with each new release, which market analysts believe could cut into profits.

American audiences were enamored by the non-stop carnage of Capcom’s mid-summer release of African Vengeance: Genocidal Rapestorm, in which gamers are challenged to saw a Somalian woman’s arms off while simultaneously gang-fucking her in a flaming blood-spattered hut, or be shot for insubordination.

“I loved circumcising young girls in the bush, but after a while it was just a button-masher,” said eleven year old Kevin Jones of Boston, Mass. When asked what changes Kevin thinks would improve upon his favorite war game, he said, “More mini games like where I get to shove hot phosphorous in my enemy’s eyes using the Wii mote. That was so fun!”

Facing stiff competition from all sides, West said they are comfortable pushing back the release of Modern Occupation 2 to give developers a chance to add features he hopes will keep bloodthirsty fans coming back for more. Some new features include torture chambers, mini-games in which the player herds civilians into cages, and various rage meters West said will gauge a character’s contempt for the people he is enlisted to protect, adding a whole new tier of depth through multipliers and hate crimes.

If pushed back, gamers can expect to unleash their xenophobia on the digital world just in time for the holiday season.

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EGYPT IS HACKING MY GMAILZ, BARRETT BROWN U LOSE

My wildest dreams to be hacked by Anonymous have finally come true

Someone in Egypt with a limited understanding of the English language might read internetchronicle.org/ and see it as something threatening. However, this is only because of the language barrier. It's okay. I'm not afraid of being h@x0r3d and have been preparing a bottle of the finest Pabst Blue Ribbon for this day. Yeah motherfucker, it's time to get drunk. Poor Egyptians probably don't even have Pabst. Let's hope the Arab spring blows some your way. Most likely, this h@x0r lives in Gaza, and is just using Egyptian proxies. It would be pretty silly if that were his actual IP, wouldn't it?

What else can I screencap, as proof of my superiority? After all, numbers and hacks ARE everything. I bet no one even cares to hack [email protected]. Who would even try? Barrett Brown won’t write for us and Ian Murphy won’t either. I even gave Murphy an account. Well, feel free to pawn it off on your little troll Barrett, he might change his mind when he sees how much attention we get. AND TALK ABOUT CHICKENSHIT. HOLY CRIPES BARRETT BROWN WHY’D YOU HAVE TO POST THAT SHIT TO REDDIT? DO YOU LOVE BEING HATED?

It’s not slimy enough to covertly record a roommate dispute; no, you had to post it to Reddit for the whole world to see. See how I used a semicolon to prove that I understand good writingzorz? You took down the video, so I just have to imagine you standing there, rambling with a cigarette in your mouth about how you’ve written for all sorts of important publications. In these cocky speeches, do you usually mention your appearance on Fox News where your little virgin asshole got torn apart by vicious professional haterapers? Do you mention the part where lowercase anonymous kicked you out of anonymous? HELL NO.

IF YOU CANT STAND THE TROLLZ STAY OFF THE ITNERNETZ.

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Adrian Chen knows about Boxxy

 

BREAKING: This just in: It was reported moments ago that Gawker writer Adrian Chin is aware of the existence and activities of internet celebrity boxxy [boxybabee]. Stay tuned for the latest updates.