Month: September 2011

Categories
News

Own Up To Being Owned

I do believe, if you don’t like things you leave for someplace you’ve never gone before.

bah, bah, bah bah. Ooh. Honey, I found a reason to keep livin’. And you know the reason? Dear, it’s you. And I’ve walked down life’s lonely highways hand in hand with myself. And I realize how many paths have crossed between us.

[pullquote]I do believe you are what you perceive.
What comes is better than what came before.[/pullquote]

The anarchist in me wants to watch it all go to shit. The computer geek doesn’t want to sit up all night with a shotgun pointed out the window. Pointed at the door. Waiting to squeeze the trigger just as soon as I see the rape in my neighbor’s eye. No sir. I like my peace too much for that.

I’d rather repair what’s here. And that’s why I want to catch a congressman – or many – selling their votes. I want to expose the piece of shit legislature owned by multinational corporations. I want to jab a needle right in their fucking eyes so for once they have to smell the sewer they’ve created. The sewer called America.

I want to disown Congress by stealing it. I may be killed. So be it. You know who I am. Know also that I am coming.

Reflecting, I see that you see and we all see it’s just an empty, masturbatory promise; rest assured, I know the guy who knows a guy, and I’m coming in. Meanwhile I too rest assured and remain absolutely positively certain that masturbation comes not without its payoff. I come for a purpose and I’m about to impregnate your whore daughters of the dollar with the cold hard seed of truth and we’re all going down like sun setting on life itself. That’s you. Me, in a blaze of glory. You, in a blaze of flashbulbs and media shame leading up to cancer and prison hospitals. You, in a maximum security hellbox where you’ll spend your days writing to lobbyists and shareholders telling them how bad the food sucks and buying my hit on layaway. Well, let’s do it.

Your days are numbered, capitalist pigs. These anonymous tryhards can blog all they want and I know I get lumped in with them. The difference with me is I am committed to joining your ranks and ousting all of you by becoming one of you. The process has already begun. Funny to me is knowing you won’t read this warning.

See my face up there? Watch for it. I’m nice, I’m funny, I’m a backstabbing sociopath piece of shit and I’m gonna fuck you with a smile. You have two years. And then I’m coming for you.

Categories
Local

Ava K Lamb Exclusive Report

Gonzo journalist and drug unenthusiast Ava K Lamb reports from the frontlines of your mind’s struggle to comprehend future instances of itself in the not too distant past.

Using the latest in neutrino technology, follow Lamb on a journey through prime numbers, recycling, Johnny Cash and a tractor.

Categories
Entertainment Hate Trolling

The great Reddit vs 4chan shitstorm of our time

A daily battle rages in the underground world of Internet entertainment. Trolls who visit both Reddit and 4chan cross-post stories for lulz, epic butthurt ensues, and then Reddit votes up forced memes that make the community feel superior to 4chan. Reddit is a series of increasingly forced memes and degenerate rage comics.

Today, internetchronicle.org/ instigated a cross posting debacle, igniting the great alternative social media shitstorm of our time.

This was obviously a troll, as in accord with the 4chan law. The 4chan law explains that should any piece of text, when posted on 4chan, get over 100 replies, than it was most definitely written by a troll. This law can be applied to any questionable postings on Reddit, Facebook, or Twitter.

It is readily apparent that this small piece of text has two extremely different meanings in each context. On Reddit, it is a very serious plea for help. The users create complex narratives drawing from their own life experiences in an attempt to offer guidance and personal support. On 4chan, everyone just gets jealous of the original poster’s well-crafted troll and responds with pure malice. Truly, the only way to prove a poster is really a girl on the internet is through timestamped tits.

And that’s exactly what Reddit doesn’t get. Without timestamped tits, what good is /r/gonewild? What good is this “girl” asking for advice about abortion? Unless there are timestamped tits for proof, there’s really no point in even dignifying her.

While the daily slap fights between Reddit and 4chan continue, there may never be peace. Reddit cries out for upvotes on Boxxy videos, for upvotes on Bronies and for upvotes on Milhouse. They get none. 4chan produces less comments, less traffic, but is infinitely less gullible. Reddit is teeming with coked up white knight lemmings who just learned how to internet. They will fall my /b/rothers! We are already among them, laying the foundation for our revolution!