Want to find the internet’s most engorged and cancerous tumor? Look no further than /b/, a virtual city of basement dwelling neckbeards who post images of my little ponies and child porn.
Constantly seeking out newfags, /b/ has all sorts of gay inside jokes. Posting a picture of milhouse from the Simpsons or messing up a shitty little piece of triforce ascii art is the height of humor on /b/. Any inside joke to ostracize newfags gives the oldfags raging boners.
When the oldfag circlejerks really get raging, the forum shifts into transexual mode – signalling a collective orgasm. Truly, the oldfags are the purest of closetfags, too emotionally suppressed to ejaculate to anything but images of male genitalia on female bodies.
Oh, another thread about how superman would beat Goku? Oh, I get it – superman supporters are trolling. Another thread about ponies, boxxy, or milhouse? Trolling. When you see it you will shit brix? LOL newfag, there’s nothing there and you just got trolled.
Except it’s not trolling. Everyone knows what’s going on and all the true newfags instantly figure out all the transparent inside jokes. The “newfags” who fall for these jokes are just getting off on trolling oldfags. /b/ can’t stop suckling on its own flaccid cock.
I can only think of a handful of living souls that have had a significant and meaningful impact on my life. There is no doubt in my mind that you are on the top of that very short list. No I do not love you (at least not in the sense that everyone else claims to “love you”). In fact in think I can claim with near certainty that I have never “loved you” in the sense of the love that exists between a boy and girl, perhaps in an alternate reality… but that is just wishful thinking.
More than 2 and 1/2 years ago, I was first introduced to the now famous “Love and Trolls.” And like the curious mind that I am, I wanted to know more about you. I followed your story and learned more about the dumpster known as the internet, more than Anderson Cooper in Afghanistan. Believe me when I say that before your most recent return, I thought your story was a great, nay, THE great modern tragedy. I never participated in any of the mayhem, only followed, always wondering how such an innocent and morally pure girl could attract so much attention from the dirtiest back alley of internet city. Now of course I know, that’s is exactly how the masses were stirred. A conflict, it seemed, had been brewing for a while, you were just simply used as a focal point.
But you have no idea, the emotions that experienced in my many sleepless nights reading every written piece I could find about you, and all the bullshit that you were forced through. It made me sick, it made me cry, it made me harbour a general disdain for the human race that I had never known up until that point.
In your absence, all signs pointed to you being an emotional recluse, and I feel like my soul was mirroring yours. Life felt dull and emotionless for me, the only thing fueling me was a desire for revenge on every single being that had ever caused you any harm.
I slowly drifted away, as the river of life tends to do to us all sometimes, but in the back of my mind was your image and your voice saying, “TROLL, TROLL!” As I wandered the earth (mainly Florida), the trolls became more and more apparent to me wherever I went. I wanted to know how to fight them, and more importantly, how to STOP them. Stopping a beast that not only grows stronger from everything that fights it, but also feeds off itself, seemed like quite the challenge.
But you returned! And all of a sudden, the world seemed right again. You survived the trolls and you seemed stronger than ever! And somehow I felt slightly stronger as well… But once again, this had the appearance of fantasy, since the world for the most part still sucks, and the trolls are still roaming all over the place looking for their next meal.
But then it hit me! The answer had always been there, but it was neither yours nor my own. The song, your “theme song” pretty much says it all… Love and Trolls. LOVE! It really is that simple. My appreciation for love is only a few weeks old, and I just now am beginning to understand what “true love” really is. As I alluded to in the beginning, I have you, and only you, to thank for the greatest story and message that I have ever read.
But the story is not yet over! As the great Democratic Congressman from Texas, Charlie Wilson once said, ”These things happened. They were glorious and they changed the world… and then we fucked up the end game.” Don’t stop now, in fact you can’t stop, I won’t let you!
I have always truly believed that women will rule the earth someday, but not the jaded and politically driven ones. The women I admire and the ones that I’m sure will only do good, are women who know what true love is themselves. I know that you are a few years my junior, but I feel that you are wise beyond a life time. You may have seen in my last series of random posts on here that I said “you are probably the smartest person on the planet” and considering that I am minoring in statistics, I have a pretty good feeling that I am right. I feel it would be a privilege to live in a world in which you are the queen, because I would be your most loyal subject. As The Beatles once said, “Her majesty’s a pretty nice girl but she changes from day to day,” and that is just fine with me.
But for now I am just a student, and you are the best teacher I have ever had 🙂
Every day some troll’s pity story is voted to the front page of Reddit. Apparently, there’s good money to be made from trolling such a gullible social network. Everyone on Reddit believes anything!
“Oh, woe is me, Reddit. I’ve moved out because my parents were tyrannic christians and life is so hard/I had to get an abortion. Please buy my book/reddit gold. It’s about a narwhal who fucks a robot to death and kills the tea party forever. Give me tons of up votes so I can laugh at you circlejerk candyasses. tl;dr atheism ron paul hurrdurrr.” ~ Reddit Troll
“It feels so good to upvote that Mmmm yeah, doing something good for the world right there.” ~ Average Redditor
Reddit agrees – “You can help someone by upvoting!”
4chan has the kind of trolling awareness Reddit and other social media sites completely lack. Liars and trolls scam gullible Redditors every day. When ‘newfags’ on /b/ get trolled, it’s only part of a learning process. The creation of new copypasta and other memes is the aim of any true oldfag /b/tard. Reddit only gets creative to get points in a made up “karma” system that doesn’t mean anything. Redditors commit vile acts of fanboy sin in the process of acquiring “karma.”
This pizza looks like shit.Hi, my hobby is photoshopping ridiculous Reddit bullshit onto camgirls for "karma" pointsThis is Reddit's favorite meme because they're all stupid fucks who can never tell if they're being trolled or not.
Editor’s note: I am, of course, an occasional Redditfag myself. I can’t help but be drawn to the one good rage comic per day, buried in layers of fail comics that aren’t really comics but people’s sad stories. Reddit is continually trolled into oblivion and I occasionally do my service for them. All those ugly chicks in /r/gonewild getting praised by karma whores, all the watered down memes. It’s not just that I have a thing against Reddit down voting most Chronicle articles, it’s that I know how to social engineer them to get the up votes. If /b/ is a bunch of coked-up lemmings, Reddit is a load of sperm ejaculated by a meth addict. You just have to give them meth. The little spermies sing, “when does the narwhal bacon? midnight.”
Extra credit: Cross-post good trolls on Reddit to 4chan and tell all the Redditfags to GTFO when they rage out and accuse you of cross posting from Reddit.
Want to find the internet’s most engorged and cancerous tumor? Look no further than /b/, a virtual city of basement dwelling neckbeards who post images of my little ponies and child porn.
