Categories
Entertainment Hate Trolling

The great Reddit vs 4chan shitstorm of our time

A daily battle rages in the underground world of Internet entertainment. Trolls who visit both Reddit and 4chan cross-post stories for lulz, epic butthurt ensues, and then Reddit votes up forced memes that make the community feel superior to 4chan. Reddit is a series of increasingly forced memes and degenerate rage comics.

Today, internetchronicle.org/ instigated a cross posting debacle, igniting the great alternative social media shitstorm of our time.

This was obviously a troll, as in accord with the 4chan law. The 4chan law explains that should any piece of text, when posted on 4chan, get over 100 replies, than it was most definitely written by a troll. This law can be applied to any questionable postings on Reddit, Facebook, or Twitter.

It is readily apparent that this small piece of text has two extremely different meanings in each context. On Reddit, it is a very serious plea for help. The users create complex narratives drawing from their own life experiences in an attempt to offer guidance and personal support. On 4chan, everyone just gets jealous of the original poster’s well-crafted troll and responds with pure malice. Truly, the only way to prove a poster is really a girl on the internet is through timestamped tits.

And that’s exactly what Reddit doesn’t get. Without timestamped tits, what good is /r/gonewild? What good is this “girl” asking for advice about abortion? Unless there are timestamped tits for proof, there’s really no point in even dignifying her.

While the daily slap fights between Reddit and 4chan continue, there may never be peace. Reddit cries out for upvotes on Boxxy videos, for upvotes on Bronies and for upvotes on Milhouse. They get none. 4chan produces less comments, less traffic, but is infinitely less gullible. Reddit is teeming with coked up white knight lemmings who just learned how to internet. They will fall my /b/rothers! We are already among them, laying the foundation for our revolution!

Categories
News

Did 9/11 Really Happen?

No. As prophesied in the Spring of 2011, the Great and Justifiable Central Intelligence Agency spake thusly: “Leave him alone.”

And it was good. The United States left Osama bin Laden alone so, in spite of his hatred for Freedom, bin Laden elected not to go forth with his plans for a second attack on the World Trade Center in Jew York City.

THIS MESSAGE BROUGHT TO YOU WHOLESOMELY BY LEBAL DROCER, INC.
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Categories
Hate Status Quo

To Anonymous (2.0)

Gay Fucks Suit
Tea Party Movement

Big new websites are springing up to say the same old shit, big old bad guys now look like mute Bill O’Reillys, and there are still serious problems so large in the political system, human injustices so glaring yet so daunting, no anonymous Twitter feed dare mention them.

Brace yourselves, kids, because I’m about to let you have it. Playtime is over and it’s high time you pulled your heads out of your asses now.

You kids are too stupid to acknowledge the host lest it legitimize the parasite. I’m talking about congressional vote selling, telcoms stealing your internet, campaign finance reform. Attack this shit, you pussies! God damn it, help the real world fucking change something! You can’t DDoS cash incentives. Of course, you won’t be DDoSing SHIT when Cox Communications caps your bandwidth but what do you know about that?

You like to pretend like you’re doing something so controversial your pathetic lives are actually in some sort of danger but you can’t stop anything meaningful, nothing truly sinister, from taking place – or else you really would have a gun stuck in your face at 4 a.m. but you won’t. Because the real world doesn’t fuck around, but you wouldn’t know anything about that either. So you prance around like a faggot in his mother’s underwear behind Twitter accounts, IRC networks, Gay Fawkes masks, and talk about how badass you think you are to 1,000 people doing the same thing.

That’s just your behavior, though. And I don’t care about any of your ideals because I can see plainly that you don’t either. You’re just not passionate about anything except #opBART only because you’ve made that “operation” more about your faggy “anonymous” movement than a boy being shot – than freedom of speech itself. Remember when protests were called protests and didn’t need gung-ho internet terminology attached to them to motivate the youth? Yeah, me either, because my generation’s never had a spine.

The only useful effort I’ve seen put forth by people calling themselves anonymous – that doesn’t appear to be some anarchistic impulse of provocation, that doesn’t appear to be juvenile nor embarrass me on your behalf, is the effort of @AnonMedics. Damn, that’s awesome. You better be glad somebody’s following you around, ready to pull you out of whatever trouble your juvenile delinquency gets you into. Because I sure as hell wouldn’t wipe your ass if you shat yourself at my protest.

Whether you’re #antisec or #prosec – nobody gives a fuck because to onlookers you are full of redfaced angry nerdrage that embarrasses anyone who ever thought there might be this mysterious behind the scenes hacker group making big things happen. Grayhats, whitehats, blackhats – all subjective terminology like ‘terrorist’ and ‘freedom fighter’ except the only people who give a fuck is you and your hapless victims.

Also, I thought you were anarchists? So then why is this pussy crying about an attack on the state? You kids are inconsistent, shameful failures.

Your sweeping general statements about politics and law are laughably reproducible. Your arguments sound like Monday’s Tea Party advertisement debate. Your “news sources” are masturbatory rantholes. Your process of d0xing the non-believers is reprehensible. Your work ethic is slovenly. Your web design skills make me frown and uhh, an Anonymous networking site? *snickers* Your writing skills don’t exist. Like Milhouse, your “movement” is a forced meme that gets you banned from 4chan, only faster.

Your movement is fake.

anonifeld

This article is part of Anonifeld – a series about nothing (Anonymous).