Want to find the internet’s most engorged and cancerous tumor? Look no further than /b/, a virtual city of basement dwelling neckbeards who post images of my little ponies and child porn.

Constantly seeking out newfags, /b/ has all sorts of gay inside jokes. Posting a picture of milhouse from the Simpsons or messing up a shitty little piece of triforce ascii art is the height of humor on /b/. Any inside joke to ostracize newfags gives the oldfags raging boners.

When the oldfag circlejerks really get raging, the forum shifts into transexual mode – signalling a collective orgasm. Truly, the oldfags are the purest of closetfags, too emotionally suppressed to ejaculate to anything but images of male genitalia on female bodies.

Oh, another thread about how superman would beat Goku? Oh, I get it – superman supporters are trolling. Another thread about ponies, boxxy, or milhouse? Trolling. When you see it you will shit brix? LOL newfag, there’s nothing there and you just got trolled.

Except it’s not trolling. Everyone knows what’s going on and all the true newfags instantly figure out all the transparent inside jokes. The “newfags” who fall for these jokes are just getting off on trolling oldfags. /b/ can’t stop suckling on its own flaccid cock.

#Occupywallstreet, the ongoing outdoor pizza party in Zucotti Park, has finally received the attention of the world. Over the weekend, 80 protesters were arrested for crimes against capitalism. Many videos, shot in the “Blair Witch” style, are circulating the internet as proof of alleged police brutality. These shaky images and hysterical screams are interspersed with vitriolic political hate speech directed at the council of corporate banking greedsters who are pulling all the strings of world power from smoke filled rooms.

The group of young Marxists showed up to Wall Street just over a week ago, finding the entire street barricaded. Naturally, the protesters took a walk to the nearest park, set up camp, and began begging for pizza from the internet. Because the internet loves Marxism and handouts, the flow of free pizza has been continuous – at times overwhelming. Yet ever so over-priveleged, the activists have grown tired with just pizza, asking the internet for free cameras and extra batteries – even going so far as demanding vegan pizza. While the Marxists do not have a unified set of principles and demands, they do have an insatiable taste for free toys and pizza.

The internet’s supporting role has been extremely embarrassing for the activists. Repeated claims of media blackouts and other censorship are laughably false, but these are the kind of ideas that are repeated ad nauseum to assure everyone that the protesters are indeed being oppressed. Remarkably, Anonymous has not hacked into any police officer’s personal e-mail accounts yet. Zucotti Park is far from America’s Tahrir Square, but I really wish I was there for the free pizza and excitement.

I do believe, if you don’t like things you leave for someplace you’ve never gone before.

bah, bah, bah bah. Ooh. Honey, I found a reason to keep livin’. And you know the reason? Dear, it’s you. And I’ve walked down life’s lonely highways hand in hand with myself. And I realize how many paths have crossed between us.

[pullquote]I do believe you are what you perceive.
What comes is better than what came before.[/pullquote]

The anarchist in me wants to watch it all go to shit. The computer geek doesn’t want to sit up all night with a shotgun pointed out the window. Pointed at the door. Waiting to squeeze the trigger just as soon as I see the rape in my neighbor’s eye. No sir. I like my peace too much for that.

I’d rather repair what’s here. And that’s why I want to catch a congressman – or many – selling their votes. I want to expose the piece of shit legislature owned by multinational corporations. I want to jab a needle right in their fucking eyes so for once they have to smell the sewer they’ve created. The sewer called America.

I want to disown Congress by stealing it. I may be killed. So be it. You know who I am. Know also that I am coming.

Reflecting, I see that you see and we all see it’s just an empty, masturbatory promise; rest assured, I know the guy who knows a guy, and I’m coming in. Meanwhile I too rest assured and remain absolutely positively certain that masturbation comes not without its payoff. I come for a purpose and I’m about to impregnate your whore daughters of the dollar with the cold hard seed of truth and we’re all going down like sun setting on life itself. That’s you. Me, in a blaze of glory. You, in a blaze of flashbulbs and media shame leading up to cancer and prison hospitals. You, in a maximum security hellbox where you’ll spend your days writing to lobbyists and shareholders telling them how bad the food sucks and buying my hit on layaway. Well, let’s do it.

Your days are numbered, capitalist pigs. These anonymous tryhards can blog all they want and I know I get lumped in with them. The difference with me is I am committed to joining your ranks and ousting all of you by becoming one of you. The process has already begun. Funny to me is knowing you won’t read this warning.

See my face up there? Watch for it. I’m nice, I’m funny, I’m a backstabbing sociopath piece of shit and I’m gonna fuck you with a smile. You have two years. And then I’m coming for you.