Category: News

Shit happens.

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News

The official death of the rage comic

Recently, Reddit sucked the last drop of funny out of rage comics. Rage comics are emoticon memes assembled into humorous stories. There was once a time when rage comics were original and made me laugh. Those days are dead.

This doesn't tell a story, doesn't make me laugh, and doesn't really do anything at all. The only person who laughed at this was stupidaccountname. EDIT: After reading this comic a second time, I loled at a joke by stupidaccountname. The absolutely easiest way to view a meme-free reddit is to kill yourself. That comment deserved much more karma.
Yes, this is really as bad as it seems. A middle aged woman telling a touchy-feely personal story and PROPOSING to her boyfriend. I wretched!
There is absolutely nothing funny about this comic whatsoever. It's merely a tale of butthurt accompanied with emoticons which were funny the first 10,000 times. Now they're not.
If you know anything about the history of rage comics, this is the one that will put you over the line. This is the one that made me post this story. One of the most famous faces in rage comics is "raisins" face. The face a person makes after biting into a cookie, thinking it's filled with chocolate chips, only to realize it is raisins. The maker of this rage comic didn't use the raisin face.
Here is the original. Notice how this rage comic is not littered with purposeless text, building an elaborate but unfunny story. The maker of this comic actually created their own face, capturing the shock of unexpected raisin cookies so perfectly that the image has been reused thousands of times by creators of piss-poor copycat rage comics.

With that, ladies and gentlemen, we must lay rage comics to rest in the graveyard of funny internet memes that have been thoroughly beaten to death. No, fuck that. They must be incinerated forever and stricken from archive.org. God help us.

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News

Rupert Murdoch uses threat of murder to defuse internal threat

Rupert Murdoch ordered this man's death. This picture is property of News Corp

Rupert Murdoch went out for blood on Monday. Murdoch personally ordered the death of whistle blower Sean Hoare to shore up internal threats to his organization. All employees of News Corp now live in fear of their master and Media Mogul.

The message intended is clear: Don’t be an insubordinate, the price is your life. News Corp will continue to force employees to hack important stories under the threat of death and the yoke of Murdoch.[pullquote]”I took Palladium for the courage to off Hoare myself” ~ Media Mogul[/pullquote]

Fox News reports said police showed up to the dead man’s house only to repeat the phrase “nothing suspicious,” over and over again, in spite of the undeniably suspicious circumstances. Forensic investigators showed up late as hell and hungover. Eyewitnesses reported that they didn’t really give a fuck about anything.

Murdoch is famous for injecting Polonium 210 into his hated enemies. Some have suggested that Murdoch poisoned Hoare himself while hopped up on Palladium during his near-death experience earlier today.

RUPERT MURDOCH HACKED 9/11 FAMILIES AND KILLED SEAN HOARE TO DEFUSE THE INTERNAL THERAT OF WHISTLEBLOWERS WITH FEAR. RUPERT MURDOCH HACKED 9/11 FAMILIES AND KILLED SEAN HOARE TO DEFUSE THE INTERNAL THERAT OF WHISTLEBLOWERS WITH FEAR. RUPERT MURDOCH HACKED 9/11 FAMILIES AND KILLED SEAN HOARE TO DEFUSE THE INTERNAL THERAT OF WHISTLEBLOWERS WITH FEAR. RUPERT MURDOCH HACKED 9/11 FAMILIES AND KILLED SEAN HOARE TO DEFUSE THE INTERNAL THERAT OF WHISTLEBLOWERS WITH FEAR. RUPERT MURDOCH HACKED 9/11 FAMILIES AND KILLED SEAN HOARE TO DEFUSE THE INTERNAL THERAT OF WHISTLEBLOWERS WITH FEAR. RUPERT MURDOCH HACKED 9/11 FAMILIES AND KILLED SEAN HOARE TO DEFUSE THE INTERNAL THERAT OF WHISTLEBLOWERS WITH FEAR. RUPERT MURDOCH HACKED 9/11 FAMILIES AND KILLED SEAN HOARE TO DEFUSE THE INTERNAL THERAT OF WHISTLEBLOWERS WITH FEAR. RUPERT MURDOCH HACKED 9/11 FAMILIES AND KILLED SEAN HOARE TO DEFUSE THE INTERNAL THERAT OF WHISTLEBLOWERS WITH FEAR. RUPERT MURDOCH HACKED 9/11 FAMILIES AND KILLED SEAN HOARE TO DEFUSE THE INTERNAL THERAT OF WHISTLEBLOWERS WITH FEAR. RUPERT MURDOCH HACKED 9/11 FAMILIES AND KILLED SEAN HOARE TO DEFUSE THE INTERNAL THERAT OF WHISTLEBLOWERS WITH FEAR.

mmmmm delicious copypasta

 

 

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News Trolling

MEDIA MOGUL'S BODY DISCOVERD

Rupert Murdoch
OK

Just moments ago, The Sun reported Media Mogul's body (of internetchronicle.org/ fame and notoriety) has been discovered after ingesting a heroic dose of palladium. Rupert Murdoch was said to believe the chemical would imbue him with the strength of a paladin IRL.

The Murdoch family is known for their hacking prowess, particularly in regards to the phone records of B-list celebrities, as they grapple for jewgold through ad revenue and extortion.

The attack by LulzSec on the media mogul's website is retribution for Murdoch's unfair use of my name. This was tweeted directly to me, Media Mogul on Twitter (@Hatefiend)

"I can't believe this is happening, but it's awesome. I love my friends at LulzSec, atopiary, Sabu and God."
Media Mogul
internetchronicle.org/

Media Mogul's Body Discovered
Atopiary, I love you.