Category: News

Today I logged onto my Facebook and was pleasantly surprised to see that Facebook chat was updated. Instead of a small scrolling menu, it’s now a larger permanent menu. Wow, was I happy to see this earth shattering improvement. I can’t believe so many people are upset that Facebook just got way better.

I am just glad to see that all these ads are helping pay for improvements in Facebook. The ads don’t bother me one bit, especially when they pick through my personal information and target me with goods and services that I want really badly. I’m glad that Facebook does this because they don’t waste my time with Penis enlargement spam. LOL. They must know not to use these ads because I talk about how big my dick is all the time on Facebook chat.

What I don’t get is why everyone hates the new chat so much. It calculates who I send the most messages to and puts them in a hierarchical order based on how much I like each person. It puts all the pretty girls on the top, LOL.

Jealous of the awesome trolling and media phreaking that is internetchronicle.org/, Topiary has created Totallyfalse.info. This complete failure of a site has been tweeted heavily by Anonymous in a pitiful attempt to divert readers from the truly beloved and established Cronical.

Like the Cronical, totallyfalse.info plays on the ironic death of truth that is hacktivism. Well, at least Topiary tries. Luckily he has an army of loyal Anon fans to back up his writing, coupled with Kayla’s army of sockpuppets.

Because of the prevalence of misinformation, fake d0x, and insane conspiracies, this is an understandably exploitable source of endless humor. However, Totallyfalse.info is written by Topiary, a piece of shit Zelda fan who jerks off to Princess Ruto. As such, it is completely insufferable and as full of fail as possible.

Of course, jealousy is not the only motivation behind Totallyfalse.info. It is quite obviously a psy-op designed to portray Anonymous in a more appealing context. By spelling out the “conspiracy” that _TeamP0is0n_ was in fact a self-d0x misinformation campaign by LulzSec, Topiary hopes to score points for a previously undocumented troll. Obvious obvious is obvious. This idea glorifies Topiary and LulzSec, and we expect much more of the same from Totallyobvious.info

Topiary? More like Tropiary. Lol, try a little harder next time.

UPDATE: NEW PROPAGANDA VIDEO BY TOPIARY!

Topiary continues to feed the troll, but in classic style utilizes the delete function in Twitter to make this not count as “giving me attention.” Here is the message for posterity’s sake. Topiary gave me more attention after promising not to.

tl;dr I win.

Late yesterday rumors on Twitter named Ryan Berg as the face behind th3j35t3r. In an apparent breakdown after the failure of the latest d0x aimed at Sabu, th3j35t3r admitted he was Ryan Berg and made a heart-felt apology to Hugo Carvalho. Hugo Carvalho is a Portugese man who “Indiana Jones” pointed his finger at, crying “Sabu, Sabu, this man is Sabu!”

I would like to issue an apology to Hugo Carvalho, who I wrongly d0x3d. I have decided that Sabu will never apologize to Hugo, so I will take the high road. Hugo Carvalho, I am sorry you were drawn into our cyber war. I thought you were hacking the government, but I was wrong. If it’s any consolation, all this was Sabu’s fault. Sabu was tangentially related to you and in the hacking world that’s tantamount to proof of identity. I know I carefully hid my tracks under the alias of Indiana Jones in case I was wrong, but everyone knows it was me who d0xed you. In the past 24 hours, I have also been d0x3d. I am actually Ryan Berg. That’s right my minions, th3j35t3r is actually Ryan Berg! The accusations are truth, and I don’t care. Like I would face jail time for hacking Jihadi web sites. I am sincerely so sorry Hugo,

th3j35t3r AKA Indiana Jones AKA Ryan Berg

PS I have more followers than Sabu

We eagerly await th3j35t3r’s denial of these d0x, which will confirm the truth behind them.

UPDATE! UPDATE! Ryan Berg AKA th3j35t3r takes back his apology and locks down his identity with a pastebin paste. Final proof that this entire story is completely true.