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“Inspired by Occupy, Banksy Plans to Get Arrested,” says inside source

 

Banksy's mass-produced social critique has given New Yorkers cynical inspiration in a trying time.
Banksy’s mass-produced social critique has given New Yorkers cynical inspiration in a trying time, but now he plans to bring traffic to a halt for weeks.

NEW YORK — A member of Banksy’s studio crew in New York spoke with the Internet Chronicle, leaking details of Banksy’s grand finale to his industrialized art blitz in New York City. 

Inspired by Occupy Wall Street protesters who blocked the Brooklyn Bridge for several hours, Banksy plans to be arrested in a stunt which will reveal his identity to the public. Banksy has hired several brightly-colored vans which will spell out “TERRRORISTS” and “OCCUPY” in Banksy’s signature font. These vans are being equipped to bury gigantic steel wedges into the pavement as we speak. These vans may be capable of stopping most New York bridge and tunnel traffic for weeks.

 

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Uncontrollable Patriotism

New NSA Director Will Spy on NSA

Edward Snowden unveiled SAURON, a network of satellites capable of spying on the entire planet's surface and indefinitely retaining the images.
NSA’s Richard Ledgett will spy on everyone and everything, including the NSA.

It was announced Thursday the NSA is installing an all-seeing Eye of Sauron headed by Richard Ledgett. Ledgett will spy on his own spying agency to prevent more incidents like former contractor Edward Snowden.

He was quoted by the AP as saying, “The Lord of America sees all.”

“Concealed within his fortress, the Lord of America sees all. His gaze pierces cloud, shadow, earth, and flesh. You know of what I speak, Greenwald: a great Eye, lidless, wreathed in flame.”

With Sauron Technology, Dick Ledgett can see his National Security Agents of Misfortune fucking up in real time, and make them disappear.

This entire story was broken on conditions of anonymity. Not even the NSA spokeswoman would comment on Ledgett’s simple position change.

One thing’s for sure: We’ll all be a lot more free this way.

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Sue Brasko Breaks Ultra-Scoop on Doxbin’s Mega-Bust

Shrew Basko
Sue Brasko always gets the best fucking scoops. God damn it.

INTERNET — Famed Internet lawyer Sue Brasko has broken the story of three young Finnish chaps who happen to make up the entirety of the deep web personal information hotbed “doxbin.” Unbeknownst to the rest of the world, the website is actually an entity in itself and all sub-entities arrested, when  combined, create doxbin as a whole. Think Voltron, but not Voltron.

They cannot exist autonomously, which is why doxbin the website is still up and functional. Even if you arrest the three doxbins(You cannot arrest an Doxbin), they are still able to synergize in Finnish prison to create a Tor relay to doxbins onion. The only way to affectively disable their superpowers is to break the molecular bond created when the Doxbin3 were born, considering they were birth via in vitro fertilization by the same donor: Erich Fritz Emil Mielke.

The Internet Chronicles very own molecular physicist, Dr. Angstrom H. Troubador posits: “The only way to truly neutralize these three boys that have been inextricably linked at birth through chromosomal mutations– whose abilities are not much different than the network of computers that comprise the Internet or Tor for that matter– is to give them lobotomies while they’re strapped down with Faraday chain-mail in a super bright laboratory somewhere.” He continues, “Until then, the reign of terror that is doxbin will continue until the fabric of our very existence is whatever.”

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