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Politics Technology

InfoWars shill covers up Solar Flare Killshot

Sources close to the Internet Chronicle have confirmed Alex Jones is employed by FEMA death camps.
Sources close to the Internet Chronicle have confirmed Alex Jones is employed by FEMA death camps.

INTERNET — Thursday morning, the shills at Alex Jones’ InfoWars posted a story denying the validity of Edward Snowden’s latest and most shocking “Solar Flare Killshot” leak.

As long reported by the Internet Chronicle, “controlled opposition” web sites like InfoWars and Prison Planet are a CIA effort guided by Alex Jones. Controlled opposition is a technique by which governments co-opt threatening information by infiltrating and manipulating subversive movements. Jones is able to distract skeptics from truly important stories with a stream of false alarms which directly serve the interests of the US government’s bid for global hegemony. Now targeting Edward Snowden, Jones’ agenda has never been more clear. Sources close to the Internet Chronicle infiltrated the Prison Planet servers and have found incontrovertible proof Alex Jones is a propagandist employed by FEMA death camps.

The Anonymous representative said, “This is worse than we ever feared. The one source we turned to for the unvarnished truth that mainstream media won’t report is in bed with the government’s worst program and probably has been from the start. We have shared this data to the Internet Chronicle because they are the last bastion of free speech that has not — and cannot — be co-opted to serve the needs of the New World Order.”

Even the hierarchy at Anonymous was infiltrated and turned towards the purposes of the New World Order when a charismatic leader, Sabu, was blackmailed and used to control a Christmas Day heist which cost many charities and innocent journalists well over a million dollars. If not for vanguard reporting of the Internet Chronicle, many hundreds more Anonymous hackers may have been arrested and turned to serve the will of the “Deep State.” The Deep State works by blackmailing individual members of congress with embarrassing information gleaned from the many unconstitutional NSA spy programs. Because of this power, the Deep State is able to easily circumvent the rule of law. Our source within Anonymous also claimed that the Deep State is planning a genocide which targets drug offenders, computer hackers, and anyone practicing the Islamic faith in any capacity.

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News

Researchers Find Link Between Tor Exploit and Michael Hastings Death

Underground Palo Alto research lab leaked photos via Ed Snowden

LANGLEY, VA — A mere week after news broke of an exploit targeting users of the Tor Browser Bundle was found and examined, researchers at an underground lab in Palo Alto, CA found hidden messages embedded deep in the exploits shellcode that could reveal a link to journalist Michael Hastings murder.

On June 18th, 2013, Michael Hastings car sped ferociously into a palm tree bursting into flames and killing the writer on impact. His death has not been investigated by official authorities, except by some of Anonymous’ higher-ups who have uncovered irrefutable proof of car hacking via a bluetooth iOS exploit. Anonymous also believes Hastings was on to something big, something monumental, something so outlandish he couldn’t be assassinated like a normal person.

Underground Palo Alto researcher Tony Kukoc elaborated on Anonymous’ theories with his findings in the Tor malware: “It seems to me that this highly sophisticated, military grade, bit-shifting malware was designed to infect the cerebral cortex of all those who viewed the hidden iframe, not only sending the NSA Tor users IP and MAC addresses, but erasing their memories of Michael Hastings altogether.”

Meanwhile, in Las Vegas, Former NSA chief, Michael Heyden, refuted the Professor Kukoc’s claims while speaking at the annual Defcon hacker convention this year: “This is preposterous, only a foolish virgin would think such a thing were possible!” He then stormed off stage amidst a few shouts of “LIAR!”

Veracode researcher, Chris Eng, was spotted crying because the hecklers were just incredibly rude.

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Law Local Uncontrollable Patriotism

100 Molested Children Bring Class Action Lawsuit Against Hatesec Enterprises

Supple milky skin ‘No Excuse,’ say parents

At least 100 children were allegedly harmed at an event outsourced to employees of Hatesec Enterprise. Hatesec Enterprise is an Internet startup company sponsored by celebrity entrepreneur Dr. Angstrom H. Troubadauer and Lebal Drocer, Inc. The company’s mission statement states its primary goal is to bring jobs to marginalized white American citizens amid a nationwide influx of Hispanic, Latino and Middle Eastern wage earners.

Lebal Drocer Inc Touched All Dem Children
Documents suggest a controversial Lebal Drocer subsidiary designed to fuck kids may be responsible for at least 100 fucked kids.

The children harmed by Hatesec Enterprise are shielded by various child protection laws from revealing their identities, however they may soon reach an agreement preventing them from discussing the matter any further with anyone except for their team of pro-Bono attorneys donated by the kind hearted Lebal Drocer Association For The Advancement Of Fucked Kids.

Anonymous sources inside the company have revealed the scandal might have erupted from the so-called Sex Abuse “Hot”Line, a controversial wing of the startup company designed to put America’s worst sex offenders to work – a feat key social rehabilitation specialists said was impossible before now.

“We really should have seen this coming,” said Internet Chronicle Special Victims and National Security Staff Reporter Dan K. Story. “Their mission statement was to rape people professionally, and people are mad about this? I say everybody needs to calm down and let the free market work out a real solution.”

Story went on to explain the complex relationship between the Federal Government and free market economics: “If the government cracks down on this now, then we’re all going to be headed down a slippery slope of Big Government ruling every facet of our lives. See? This is why we need a domestic drone program.”

Past settlements have stated no children can speak publicly about Lebal Drocer, Inc. or its subsidiaries without express, written permission signed by company President and CEO Raleigh Theodore Sakers. Such is sexpected to be the case as their hearing goes before the courts Monday.

This message brought to you graciously by Lebal Drocer, Inc.

No children were directly harmed during the production of this news story.