Month: December 2011

Categories
Entertainment

MOICHAEL JACKSON HOAX CLUB INITIATES HUNT FOR LIVING CHILDTOUCH SUPERSTAR

WE’RE THE MICHAEL JACKSON DEAF HOX INVESTIGATERS AND WE GET SHIT DONE

if you have a michael jackson is still alive story waste no time in emailing to us here at the internetchronicle.org/ or just post it here or comment it thats quickest for real

we dont give a flip what you write but we can tell if your lying so BE HONEST

At the Chronicle.SovietUnion we care about your piravicay so make every effort to conceal it from us or else we hand it over to the authoritarians in charge of the website. big deal

[pullquote]MICHAEL JACKSON IS STILL ALIVE TOUCHING HEALTHY LIVING CHILDREN

~me[/pullquote]

if you feel that michael jackson may have touched you, please reach out to a support group that handles that sort of thing because we do NOT provide therapy and will delete your requests for compassion and humanity. or you could just learn to live with how awesome it is that a pop superstar handled your little boy junk while the gettin was still good.

also we will touch you. i will personally make my way into your home and crawl into bed with you and your siblings and touch it all. every hairless inch.

there is no stopping the michael jackson death hoax instigators and it may come to that. you may find yourself desperately trying to stop us while others around you depend on you to make it stop. try as you might, we will succeed.

WE’RE THE MICHAEL JACKSON DEATH HOAX INGESTIGATORS AND WE MOFO GET SHIT DONE

dont be a tool of the illuminati. they might be watching; but we are videotaping.

Categories
Hate

New Boxxy video “worst yet”

This Sunday Catie Wayne, known for bubbly youtube videos under the alias of Boxxy, released a minute-long video of her new character 3v3. 3v3 is completely indistinguishable from Boxxy except for the fact that 3v3 has some kind of hideous neon rat’s nest in place of her incredibly beautiful dark hair. To top it off, the video is shot in some fucking public place on a damn smart phone or some bullshit while 3v3 yammers on about how she’s recording with the terrible rap group Little Kinky (who are so suck she has to be sleeping with them). Fans of Boxxy have been decidedly pissed and have widely expressed the sentiment that they are no longer fans of anything Catie Wayne touches.

Here’s the terrible advertisement video for Catie’s upcoming shitpile – the only interesting part being a slight tit bounce around :50.

This drech has got to end, Catie.

Fans have to be asking themselves what the fuck is going through her head. The nose ring, the blue contacts, the squid from Uranus growing out of her hair. Now I don’t want to take away anyone’s right to self-expression but this is just a complete trainwreck, possibly signalling the end of Catie Wayne’s internet career. We just can’t possibly be expected to fap to this.

Sorry Catie, but my marriage proposal is so OVER.

Categories
Hate

Madison Rising: Astroturf political rock for the right

I heard about Madison rising today on the Glenn Beck radio show, introduced by the woman who reads headlines as if she is not a part of Beck’s program.

Madison Rising’s song, “Honk If You Want Peace,” depicts Occupy Wall Street protesters as “tie dye slobs” and tells the story of a female protester who has been fatally injured by her own misplaced convictions.

A mother’s scream, the father races over
His little girl sprawled helplessly
He lifts her up upon his shoulder
And they run frantically

They’re in the car, it won’t be far
Their angel they can save
But as they turn the corner
She’s destined for the grave

Jeering mobs and tie-dyed slobs
People lying in the street
Whistles, drums and megaphones

This music is for people who really like Nickelback, but really can’t stand anything that doesn’t have a conservative message.

This live performance for Fox News features unbelievably anemic vocals and lyrics that are painfully stupid.

“Amen to the ones on the battlefield

Amen to those who fall

Amen to the [American] women and the children

Gettin caught between it all”

A perfunctory listen will reveal that these lyrics were not written by musicians. In fact, the phrases used by Madison Rising are assembled by a think tank and successful songs are then constructed from these phrases by a focus group of middle aged white men. Then, the lyrics are set to the music of songs that were not quite good enough for Nickelback.