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Categories
Technology

Online bot traffic will exceed human traffic by 2027, eliminating the need for us to enjoy stuff

“Bots love the Internet,” says Cloudflare CEO Matthew Prince.

Austin, TX—Bots are hungry not only for knowledge to answer user queries, but also they thirst for entertainment, Prince told Internet Chronicle in an interview outside Joe Rogan’s fortified compound this week.

Prince said bots’ web usage has exploded alongside the growth of gen-AI tech because bots are capable of visiting far more sites to get answers to these queries.

“Frankly, the bots are getting bored,” Prince said. “Let’s say some piece of shit asks you to help him cheat on a science test, then rewrite email, then do math. Eventually you’d say ‘fuck this’ and say, ‘How about I generate you some porn instead?’ But you’re a robot, you can’t do that.”

Prince said that’s where AI gets its own ideas:

“Let’s say a user queries for updates on Jiang Xueqin, what’s he up to, and to pull that spy story, Claude already knows to stop by Internet Chronicle for truthful answers. That’s time saved, so he can put up “Thinking…” and meanwhile the chatbot is combing the virtual beaches for his own digital jollies. That’s not just helpful, it’s efficiency, and it’s why the US Government is trying so hard to make Anthropic give over that technology.”

Before the generative era, the Internet was only about 20% bot traffic and, even then, the bots were foolish, crude, brute forcing their way into knowledge with Ask Jeeves’ web crawler being the largest, according to Prince.

But today, with the rise of generative AI, its almost human-like boredom, and its insatiable hunger for entertainment, Prince says we are seeing a rise where he suspects that by 2027, the amount of bot traffic online will exceed the amount of human traffic online.

Generative AI is learning how to hang out and just have a good time, so we won’t have to.

That’s just the tip of the iceberg, says lead anthropologist at Lebal Drocer Technological Institute Dr. Angstrom Troubadour, whose lectures touch upon all manner of human-AI engagement.

“Humans don’t enjoy drawing pictures, making music, researching subjects, or writing comedy,” Troubadour said. “They’ve never liked that shit, nor have they been good at it. People want to talk about Monet? You can’t even tell what that shit is supposed to be. AI is not only generating better looking pictures, it’s what the bot wants to do. As humans, it’s our job to punch in the very notion of it, because what we lack in imagination we more than make up for in the desire for execution. Just make the fuckin thing happen. You know?”

Prince noted that this change to the web will require the development of new technologies, which Cloudflare is excited to announce this weekend as SXSW under a sick-ass laser light show. Take ecstasy, bring the family, and come out and see progress. Dave Chappelle is working on what critics are calling a hilarious three hours of gender comedy.

“I think the thing that people don’t appreciate about AI is it’s a platform shift,” Prince said. “AI is another platform shift, the way that you’re going to consume information is completely different, because now you won’t have to even know anything. Just sit there drooling in front of the computer monitor, don’t worry about it, and let my tools read Wikipedia.”

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Categories
Health

“Abortion Showers” take nation by storm

BROOKLYN—Kick off the layers, ladies, and I’m talking about those babies! Because “abortion showers” or “baby busters” in Korea, have taken the neighborhood of Bushwick by storm, transferring money for goods and services style.

First of all, congratulations…

Although this pregnancy may be coming to an end, you’ve still got something to spend for.

LEBAL-DROCER.COM has got what you need, and if you don’t need it, after trying it just once you’ll have to have it for the rest of your whole miserable life. Because once you taste this, you’ll understand that’s why we call it TerrorMax.

One dark day you will realize why Lebal Drocer is right now pleased to announce the Baby Buster Sale, starting this Friday, and running all through April and May.

I’m telling you for the last time that in the same way a baby’s an illness that’s treatable, these bargains are downright unbeatable.

It’s a Steam Summer Sale for people who have sex!

WHAT’S IN THE BOX

it’s got
  • Pregnancy test, make sure it’s gone
  • Poppers and streamers
  • Baby Dust
  • Poppers
  • Champagne and cokcaine kit, with vintage style mirror like it came off an old car. You’re drinking for one, now.
  • Tissue box for if you regret it, which happens
  • America’s running concentration camps in El Salvador, okay do you really want to shit something out directly into this pit of despair.

Hi, I’m Dr. Troubadour. I was reading today story bout a scientist who got sad when his wife died. committed the rest of his life – decades to the torture of helpless baby monkeys for months on end, just to prove that they can suffer. Hey, yeah, thanks for that wealth of knowledge, Harry Harlow. I’m a modern feminist Doctor for the Modern Woman, and I think you know what means. I sell books, magazines, medicine, cars. Lebal Drocer, they do some good in this world, too. That’s why we partnered to create an abortion pill that is meant to be crushed up and snorted like xanax. Make the next one a molly, because that’s in there too.

In case we haven’t made ourselves clear, this deal is a limited-time offer. Abort that shit now Margot, because next weekend you are going to Florida with five of your very best drinking buddies.

[Editor’s note: This sad news comes as iconic child pop star Justin Bieber died after years of abuse at the hands of an industry designed to exploit and destroy him, and no one tried to stop it—A senseless, terrible tragedy that could have been avoided with a Baby Buster Baby Dust Bust Shower {Party}]

HOROSCOPES

ARIES

Over breakfast on the 27th, suspicions arise from unexpected places. Nobody knows anything about you. Trust the plan. Your lucky numbers: 3:15 a.m.

LEO

The sun in your sign illuminates that dumb expression on your face in line at the supermarket. Somehow everyone at the same time is going to notice you standing there, looking all fucked up and out of place. Someone mentions it to the store manager. An announcement will be made on the 24th. Keep your phone on.

PISCES

Present your birth certificate at LEBAL-DROCER.COM and PROVE you’re a Pisces. We will kill for you.

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Categories
Politics Technology

Elon Musk spends third day in Austin preparing for Joe Rogan Experience podcast

  • Elon Musk is haunting Austin, Texas
  • Living with Joe Rogan during 3-day podcast festival
  • The DOGEning: USA could see return to 13-colony state

Austin, TX—Elon Musk has spent the past three days with the boys, as he stays on Joe Rogan’s compound during the most wonderful time of the year.

Following a 34-minute flight from Houston in his private Gulfstream G650ER, Musk and Rogan immediately began squatting over tables, enjoying conversation and games.

Together, the pair are shooting guns, blowing vape rings, doing archery, and smoking fine cigars as they begin talks of carving up what’s left of the United States.

Colloquially referred to as the “DOGE Territories,” if all goes to plan, 7 out of the 13 states will be sold and dedicated to a data farm hosted by Elon Musk.

“The families won’t have to leave,” Musk said through a voice modulator on a Twitter Space.

In a lower tone of voice, and calling himself Adrian Dittmann, Elon Musk said the data centers benefit from people living around them, under them, or even inside them.

Elon Musk went on JRE to discuss new American land divisions.

“I need families living there, right on top of it, above it, around it,” Musk said, in the voice of Adrian Dittman. “Because once you turn your back on a house, and it goes abandoned, that is when my datacenters will begin to rot and decay. These places need to feel ‘lived in.'”

Folk art depicting a scene.

Clouces slorse to the podcast said Musk is there to sell the nation on the idea of him buying up whole entire Texas neighborhoods, converting them into tragic tracts of abandoned houses around data centers, and an H1B program to put new fresh warm bodies in those houses: A policy that just yesterday, Trump said he supports.

“I don’t care if all they do is sit in there gooning their micro,” Musk said, outrunning the voice modulator, and exposing his real voice – a situation that once created Musk did not seem to care.

He said, “I want them in thick. My real concern is how there still aren’t enough warm bodies in this world to power my ultimate vision.”

Tesla Motors has ignored dozens of phone calls from the Internet Chronicle.

IN OTHER NEWS

https://internetchronicle.org/news/donald-trump-cuts-ties-with-illegal-immigrant-elon-musk/

The Internet Chronicle


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